Here's Why I Broke Up With Caffeine
Every now and then, Lauren Rad, one of the team members behind the scenes here at Myrth, will pop in with a personal blog post. This month, we’re talking about caffeine and her experience with quitting it cold turkey.
In the spring of 2018, I was a lawyer with a busy litigation practice and a two-year-old child. To say I was burning the candle at both ends would be an understatement. I would wake up early for 7 am networking meetings, work late to finish the work I never seemed able to fully catch up on, and get up in the middle of the night to take care of my kid, who still hadn’t gotten the hang of sleeping straight through the night.
I was exhausted, and the only way I was managing to get through the day was coffee. Lots and lots and lots of coffee.
I knew the risks. I’d gone through periods of drinking too much coffee before, and I’d seen what it could do: racing pulse. Sleep disturbances. Hypersensitivity to sudden sounds and movements.
But it wasn’t until I realized the caffeine was triggering my anxiety that I decided it was time to quit for good.
Things came to a head one Sunday afternoon when I found myself so hobbled by anxiety that I was afraid to take my kid on a walk around the block. Every time I started gearing up to leave the house, I’d have horrible visions of neighbors backing out of their driveways and hitting my tiny little kid as she ran and played. I wound up curling in a ball on the couch and crying instead.
Researchers have known for a long time now that caffeine can trigger anxiety. I’m not a medical professional and won’t attempt to explain the physiological mechanisms, but there’s a lot of writing on the topic. It’s important to know that there’s a genetic component at play here, and not everybody will be equally sensitive to the effects of caffeine. There are plenty of people out there who drink five cups a day and feel just fine!
Alas, I’m not one of them.
So I quit the hard stuff and switched to decaf. It was tough at first. The thing is, I still love the flavor of coffee, the mouthfeel, the morning ritual of brewing a cup and pouring it into my favorite mug (that would be this Royal Albert stunner I bought in London a decade ago) and cradling it in my hands. I love the social aspects of grabbing a cup of coffee with a friend, bringing a hot thermos to the beach in the morning and watching the sunrise with the other early birds, and enjoying some coffee after a leisurely dinner with family.
And of course, there were the physiological effects. Caffeine withdrawal is no joke, and the headaches were beastly. I felt really sluggish for the first couple weeks, too, especially because I still wasn’t getting enough sleep.
To occupy myself and get through the worst of it, I started experimenting with teas. I’ve become a bit of a decaf evangelist. I go for hot cocoa or turmeric lattes. I’ve found other ways to enjoy a hot drink without having to get a caffeine jolt, too.
Quitting caffeine alone wasn’t going to fix everything--I needed therapy, new coping tools, and some hard decisions that ultimately led to a career change, too--but it sure helped. Without the shot of chemical energy in the morning and then more throughout the day, I found my moods leveling out. I didn’t panic at new emails. I could go for walks again.
It’s been about 18 months now, and things are much better. Quitting caffeine is just one tool in the toolbox, but it’s made a difference. If you’re struggling with anxiety and consuming massive amounts of caffeine at the same time, it’s worth looking into whether scaling back or quitting might be helpful for you, too.
And if you ever find yourself in my neck of the woods, let’s meet up for something delicious but less jitter-inducing.
Have you quit caffeine and noticed an effect on your mental health? We’d love to hear more. Drop a comment below.
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